iSpam
by starrtrek
Summary: A collection of Spencer/Sam one-shots and drabbles. Ratings go from K  to T.
1. iTutor Sam

**iSpam; (n) **

a collection of Spencer/Sam drabbles and one shots.

**Disclaimer; (n)**

iCarly does not belong to me.

**Warning; (n)**

involves person under 18 in a relationship with person over 18.

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**Story #1:**

iTutor Sam

**Rating:**

K+

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"Just forget it, Spence; I don't need you to help me with math," Sam told Spencer informatively, walking away from the kitchen to sit on the living room couch.

"But you're failing algebra two!" Spencer replied indignantly, giving her an incredulous look.

"Yeah…but you suck at math."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"It just so happens that I got a B+ in algebra 2."

"Yeah, back when you were sixteen. Do remember what inequalities are?"

"Duh! I'm not stupid!"

"What about absolute value?"

"Well…"

"Or slope?"

"I…I can write obscene words on a calculator!" Spencer told her with an mock arrogant tone. Sam smirked.

"I don't think 5318008 is going to help me on my math test," Sam replied dryly, plopping down on the couch. Spencer strode up to the side of the couch, staring down at the purple algebra two book in his hands.

"Okay, some of this stuff is really quite simple," Spencer assured her, sitting down next to her, his eyes glued to the book. "All you have to do when you find the absolute value of inequalities is find two answers, one positive and one negative."

"Are you speaking English?" Sam asked, affronted. Spencer rolled his eyes and pointed at the page.

"Do number fourteen," Spencer instructed her. Sam groaned as she pulled out a notebook from her bag and started doing the problem. She was slightly aware of Spencer watching her as she solved the problem.

"Done," Sam said, triumphant. Spencer observed the problem for a second, and then nodded.

"Okay, that one's right…hmm…try number twenty one," Spencer told her, pointing at a hefty looking problem. Sam bit her lip as she stared at it.

"I don't remember how you divide with fractions," she complained, stamping her foot slightly.

Spencer laughed slightly, reaching to grab her notebook. "This is something I actually know how to do," he chuckled, "just multiply by the reciprocal."

"Excuse me?" Sam said, bemused. Spencer grabbed her pencil and looked up at her, catching her eye to better explain it.

"Add the opposite," Spencer rephrased, looking back down at the paper. "Just flip the second fraction and multiply it."

"I don't get it," Sam told him, shrugging. "Oh well, I guess I'll just fail the test. No biggie."

"Yes, biggie," Spencer shook his head, looking at her, "I'm going to teach this to you!"

"Well hurry up. It's almost dinner time and I'm starving," Sam said, rubbing her stomach. Spencer furrowed his brow.

"You just ate a bag of chips ten minutes ago…"

"Your point?"

Spencer sighed. "Just listen to me," he went back to the book, "you have to add the opposite of the second fraction, which means it needs to be reversed."

"Show me," Sam demanded, gesturing to the notebook.

Spencer hesitated, and then scribbled something on the paper. When Sam looked, she saw something that made her giggle.

"Spencer over Carly divided by Freddie over Sam?" she read from the paper, laughing. "Are you for real?"

"Just watch!" Spencer insisted patiently. He then re-wrote Spencer over Carly. Next to it, he placed a multiplication sign and Sam over Freddie. "So now you just have to add Carly and Freddie, and-"

"Spencer and Sam!" Sam said jovially, grinning at the paper. "So you just like flip it?"

"Yeah!" Spencer replied, smiling brightly. He then wrote the answer as Spencer + Sam over Carly + Freddie.

Sam scoffed. "Freddie _wishes_ he could be added with Carly."

Spencer just nodded, sticking his tongue out a bit as he rested the book on his lap. Sam looked at the paper again, and then back at Spencer. "You know what I wish?"

"What?" Spencer asked, his eyes peering curiously into Sam's. He leaned in closer unconsciously, so close that he could almost feel Sam's breath on his own lips.

Sam glanced at his lips, and then back up into his eyes slowly. "I wish…" she murmured, her eyes fluttering, "that I was eating a pizza right now." Sam then stood up, leaving Spencer on the couch to order a pizza. Spencer closed his tight briefly, sighing as he picked up Sam's pencil and doodled a large heart around Spencer + Sam.

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**For those of you that don't know, if you write 5318008 on a calculator and flip it upside down, it looks like boobies.


	2. iAm Not Going Anywhere

**Story #2:**

iAm Not Going Anywhere

**Rating:**

K+

**Inspiration:**

My brother just got dumped by his long term girlfriend today.

* * *

You watch him come home from Socko's, his face lit up like Times Square on New Years Eve. You wonder why he looks so incredibly happy, so you ask him as you munch on a fat cake, lounging on the couch in the living room. "Oh you know, just had a great day," he would say, a small smile on his lips as he bounced to his bedroom. You feel your heart swell at the thought of him happy.

He makes you dinner that night because you don't want to go back home to your mom and be reminded of how your twin sister is going to the best college on the west coast and you're stuck in a trade school. You've been spending a lot of time at his apartment because his sister and your ex are both away at school on the east coast. You miss them. He misses them, too. You sometimes hear him cry late at night when you're awake on the couch and he's in his room. He doesn't think you can hear him, but you can. And you do.

He asks you about your day and you shrug and say, "Nothing special," and fall back into your routine silence. He doesn't say anything. You don't make an effort to start any form of conversation. Somehow, it feels alright. You're both thinking about a million things and it's better for you to sit together in silence. Because at least you won't be alone.

You hear his phone buzz and he stands up, ripping it enthusiastically from his pocket and answering with a breathy, "Hello?". You hear a light voice on the other end, and you hear him say, "No, you weren't interrupting anything, Elise,". You feel yourself deflate because you now know why he had been so happy earlier. You quietly slide out from your chair as he turns around, facing away from you as he chatters into his phone. Before he notices, you slip out of the door, not to be back for at least a week.

A week later, he's all smiles. Apparently, his life is taking a right turn down lucky lane. Elise is there. She's perfect and pretty and everything you know you're not. She sits next to him on the couch, her arms wrapped around his chest as he rests his head on hers. You remember what it felt like to hold him that way the first night after Carly and Freddie left. You stayed by his side the whole night as you both cried. He had his cheek against your forehead and you rested your chin on his chest. His arms were securely around you and you never wanted to let go.

You put up with it because you know she will never love him like you do. You only wish you had realized your feelings sooner. Maybe then you would be the one sneaking off to his bedroom with him, like he and she were doing now. You try to erase the image from your mind as you slip out the door.

You hear that he proposed to her the night you left. You're shocked because he had only known her for a few weeks. You make a vow never to go back to that apartment again, because you hate him. You hate how he makes you feel. You hate how you've known him practically your whole life and he's never given you a ring. Or even thought about it. You'll never go back to him.

It's raining the next time you pass his apartment complex, trying to take a shortcut to school. It always rains in Seattle. You don't expect to see a familiar figure sitting on the wet ground outside of Bushwell, his back against the brick wall and his face ducked down as raindrops slide down the sides of his pale face. You see a shiny engagement ring on the ground next to him. You suddenly don't care about the weather as you kneel before him, taking his hands in your own. He looks up at you, his nose red and his eyes full of pain.

"I just want her back," he says mournfully, and he grabs you, pulling you into him as he cries into your shoulder. You grip the back of his neck, making yourself weld to him. You don't know if he's talking about Elise, or Carly, or his mother. All you know is that you've never been more in love with him than you are now.

"Don't ever leave me, Sam," he begs, holding her even more tightly. You hold your breath, tears in your own eyes. Because you know you will never go. He will always have this irrevocable hold on you. It didn't even matter that he would never love you the way you love him. You needed him, and he needed you.

"I'm not going anywhere, Spencer," you tell him softly, stroking his hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

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** A/N:** I'm all about the one-sided fics right now. :] Last one was Spencer!one-sided, now it's Sam!one-sided. Maybe another, or I might get into the heavier fics! You decide.


	3. iLove The Rain

**Story #3:**

iLove The Rain

**Rating:**

K+

**Inspiration:**

This happened to me today, only it wasn't my best friend's hot older brother. :)

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Sam shivered, staring out of the window in Bushwell lobby. Seattle was infamous for it's rain, and it certainly wasn't holding out tonight. Sam had just finished co-hosting the latest episode of iCarly and Carly and Freddie were on a date upstairs. Wanting no part in witnessing their gooey lovey dovey exchanges, Sam quickly left the apartment as soon as possible. She had called her mother so that she could come drive her home as she walked down the stairs to the lobby.

Sam had decided to wait outside because she thought her mom would already be there. Unfortunately, Sam's mom had texted her only minutes ago to tell her she in a fight with the guy who ran the drug store down the street. Apparently Pam had took it upon herself to steal a chocolate bar and got caught. Sighing as she read the text message, Sam sidled back inside, her blonde curls dripping and her skin pale. She was sure her body temperature must be freezing.

Why couldn't her mother pick her up first, huh? Her mom could have just gotten her and dropped her off and then gone and stole cheap candy from pharmacy employees. Why did she have to do it before Sam was picked up, leaving Sam to wait in the rain for a ride that would never come?

This was just another example of why Sam thought her mother hated her. Gripping her arms tightly, Sam trembled from the cold, leaning her forehead against the glass window, closing her eyes. She was so wet. She was so cold. She was so uncomfortable.

Footsteps came from behind her. At first, Sam thought it would be Lewbert ready to scream at her to get her soaking butt out of his lobby, but she figured she would've already heard his ramblings by now. Sam recognized the footsteps, and could soon smell the familiar cologne. Sam opened her eyes.

"Hey, Sam," Spencer said from behind her. Sam watched his reflection in the glass as he smiled at her back. Sam couldn't help but smile slightly. "Whatcha doing?"

"I'm waiting for my mom to pick me up, but apparently she has better things to do," Sam complained sourly, turning around to face Spencer. He looked adorable in a blue and white plaid flannel and dark jeans. A big black coat was also buttoned up around his torso.

"Oh," Spencer replied, frowning slightly. "Do you need me to drive you home? I'll warn you now, it'll be pretty wet on the back of the motorcycle," Spencer told her honestly. Sam shrugged.

"It's okay. She'll be here eventually," she said, sighing. She shivered again. Spencer looked her up and down, taking in her soggy appearance. Sam straightened a little bit, not liking his keen inspection. She felt vulnerable.

Spencer pointed at her attire, a curious gleam in his eyes. "Why are you so-?"

"Because," Sam wailed, stamping her foot, "I thought my mom was going to come but she didn't, so now I'm wet and cold and sticky and gross and really, really, _really _freaking cold!" Sam whined, her voice rising. Spencer looked taken aback.

"Do you want my coat?" Spencer asked instantly, reaching for the buttons of his coat. Sam stared at him blankly.

"I'm inside," Sam said as if testing Spencer's sanity. "Why would I need a coat inside?"

"You're cold," Spencer said simply, smiling as he undid the buttons on his coat. Sam was about to object, but Spencer strode behind her, helping her slip into the massive coat. Sam pushed her arms through the sleeves; they went down way past her wrists. She probably looked pathetic.

"Uh…thanks," Sam said uncertainly. Spencer grinned at her, laughing quietly.

"What?" she asked, feeling insecure. She punched him on the arm to make him stop laughing.

"No, no, I'm sorry I laughed," Spencer told her, holding his hands up, "you just look really cute right now."

Sam blushed; she couldn't help it. She knew Spencer must've noticed it, but he made no inclination that he did. Embarrassed, Sam turned from him to look back out the window. The rain looked heavier than before.

"What are you going to do for a coat?" Sam asked, pointing out of the window.

"I'm just running across the street to pick up a movie," Spencer said informatively, stepping to the door. "I need something to preoccupy me from Carly and Freddie's little date," Spencer rolled his eyes, shuddering slightly. Then, he observed Sam. "Do you want to watch it with me?" His eyes were hopeful.

Sam was about to tell Spencer how much she would love to watch a movie alone in his room with him. She was about to say how she had been dreaming of something like that happening since she first developed a crush on him when she was thirteen.

But then, of course, Pam pulled up to the side of the plaza, sticking her head out of the window. "Sam! Let's go!"

Spencer looked at her, shrugging. "Maybe another time," he promised, giving her one last smile before he disappeared into the rain. Sam stared after him, counting his footsteps.

Why did her mother have to pick her up, huh?

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**A/N: **Something very similar to this happened to me today at school. Pretty much the same thing, actually. It was very cute! And with Sam having a crush on Spencer and Spam becoming canon made it that much more believable!


	4. iWant To Kiss

**Story #4:**

iWant To Kiss

**Rating:**

T

**Inspiration:**

iPity The Nevel. No, nothing like this happened in that episode of course, but watching it kicked me back into my iCarly muse.

* * *

Sam jumped on the couch of the Shay loft, grabbing the remote from the table and turning on the TV to Girly Cow. She couldn't wait to spend the night at Carly's. Melanie had just come home for spring break and her mom was hell bent on spending every waking moment with her. If Sam wanted to hang out with some preppy little nub that she hated, she'd go hang out with Nevel Papperman. Not like that'd ever happen, anyway. Sam's too cool for Nevel, and she's certainly too cool for her sister.

"Carly!" Sam called from the couch, not wanting to get up to get her best friend. "Come down! It's the episode from Girly Cow with the hamburger shooter!" Sam loved that episode. It always made her hungry, and she almost always had a hamburger after it. Maybe Carly would make one for her? Of course she would. After all, she was spending the night.

Carly didn't call back, but there was a knock on the door. Too lazy to get up, Sam just continued watching the show, ignoring the person at the door. In a second, however, Carly came running down the stairs and whipped open the door. Sam glanced over to see her favorite nub standing in the door way, wearing (her favorite) stripes.

"Freddie!" Carly greeted, smiling broadly. Sam frowned, wondering why Carly was acting so weirdly. But Freddie just smiled back, stepping into the apartment and grabbing her hand. Sam felt the need to disturb this little moment. It was most…disturbing.

"Hey, uh, Carly, since this is the hamburger episode, would you perhaps, I don't know, wanna make me a-"

"Nope, sorry Sam," Carly cut in, not looking at her as she spoke. She was too engrossed with Freddie. "Freddie and I are going to go upstairs for a little bit. Why don't you make yourself a hamburger?" And with that, Carly and Freddie were going up the stairs, laughing and smiling about some chizz. Sam shuddered; were Carly and Freddie hooking up?

Suddenly morose, Sam turned on the TV and headed towards the stairs. She was about to go up and flat out ask the two of them what the heck they were up to until she spotted them at the top of the stairs.

"I was thinking about you all during school today," Freddie admitted quietly, and Sam could see him push a strand of dark hair out of Carly's face. Ugh. Yuck.

Carly smiled in that girly, dazed way she always did when she was the Idiot in their "The Cowboy and the Idiot" sketch; only this time, Carly wasn't acting. "I thought about you, too," Carly answered and then leaned in. Sam watched in horror as Carly and Freddie kissed, their lips meeting and their tongues caressing in a way that mimicked every cheesy, lovey dovey gross movie Sam had ever seen (which wasn't many).

Sam quietly walked back down the stairs, dejected. Now what? Carly and Freddie were going to completely shut her out. They'd be too obsessed with each other to even look at her twice. Sam groaned, feeling too depressed to eat.

She then heard Carly murmur softly, "Hey, why don't we go downstairs and grab a few sodas?" Sam looked around wildly, trying to find a place to hide. She did not want to be around the two of them right now, especially when they'd be making out and doing all that weird chizz.

Sam decided to run into the only place available to hide.

Spencer's room.

Quickly, Sam rushed to the closed door and wrenched it open. She could just see Carly's feet hitting the landing from the stairs when she shut the door tightly, breathing heavily as she leaned against the door.

"Sam?"

Sam spun around. There was Spencer, sitting on his bed, a lap top perched in his lap. He wore a look of utmost confusion of his pretty face and his brown hair was ruffled on top of his head. Sam held her breath as she realized that Spencer was only in a black t-shirt and gray boxers.

She had been certain Spencer wasn't home. Otherwise, she wouldn't have dared come into his room like a crazed, raving lunatic.

"Hi," Sam responded, crossing her arms and looking at him like it wasn't totally weird that she had come stomping into his bedroom without a warning. Spencer raised an eyebrow.

"If you want me to make you something to eat, could you just wait like fifteen minutes? I'm trying to buy this extremely rare paint brush off of SplashFace," Spencer returned to his screen, his eyes focused. When Sam didn't move or say anything, however, he glanced up, looking dumbfounded. Sam decided to just spit it out.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to be around Carly and Freddie smacking lips," Sam complained, sliding down onto the floor. Spencer was up in an instant.

"They're kissing?" Spencer exclaimed, taking a step towards the door. Sam groaned.

"Yes," she said, "but if you go out there, they'll kill me," Sam pleaded, knowing there was nothing more lame than telling an adult about two people hooking up. But Sam didn't see Spencer as an 'adult'. No one did.

She expected Spencer to nudge her aside and leave the room to discipline his sister; Sam remembered the whole Griffin fiasco. But instead, Spencer extended his hand to her, offering to pick her up off the floor. Sam slowly reached her arm out, letting her hand fall into Spencer's. He pulled her up and sat her down on the bed as he stood opposite her, his hands on his hips.

"Why don't you like Freddie and Carly together?" Spencer asked curiously. Sam rolled her eyes. Not another psychology session a la Spencer Shay.

"Because I'm madly in love with Freddie and I can't stop thinking about different ways to kill Carly?" Sam offered, throwing up her hands. Spencer sighed.

"Come on Sam. It's me. You can trust me with anything," he said, his lips gracing her with a small smile. Sam felt her heart drop.

"Uh…well," Sam started, but then crossed her arms. "No. No way am I telling you anything." It was too embarrassing.

Spencer sat down on the bed next to Sam, the sides of their legs touching. Sam let a shaky breath in as Spencer draped his arm around her shoulders, his face so close to hers that she could almost feel his nose grazing her cheek.

"Sam…" he whispered, his breath dancing across her face. Sam swallowed, shaking her head.

"Nope. No way," Sam remained stubborn. But Spencer just stayed in the position, not budging. Eventually, Sam gave in. She was only human, right? "Okay, well…" Sam began, her cheeks heating up. "I saw them kiss and I, well…I was wondering what it'd be like."

Apparently, this was not what Spencer had been expecting. He leaned back a little bit, his eyes bemused. "What would what be like?" he asked politely, his eyebrows scrunched together.

Sam braved up and looked up at him, square in the eyes. She then muttered the dastardly words. "To kiss."

Spencer stifled a laugh. Sam scowled, pushing her elbow into his ribs. He gasped in slight pain, but kept his arm around her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he laughed, shaking his head. "But I thought you kissed Freddie?"

"I did," Sam said, grossed out at the memory. "But it wasn't like, special, or anything. It was just kind of…forced," she said, "and my eyes were open."

Spencer sniggered. Sam glared at him, this time wanting to punch his lights out. Spencer rolled his eyes, "Okay, okay. Well, kissing isn't as great as it looks in the movies," Spencer told her, suddenly informal. "It always looks spectacular and beautiful, but it's not. It's wet, it's awkward, and usually, it's pretty weird," he said.

"You've kissed so many girls though…" Sam trailed, the memories of all of those floozies haunting her.

"Well…" Spencer said proudly, drawing himself up. "I am the kissing master."

Sam normally would have burst out laughing and walked away, but instead, she turned slightly in his arm, looking up into his bright brown eyes. He looked back at her, his smile fading. Then,

"Will you teach me?"

Sam didn't mean for it come out. She had been thinking it, but she hadn't wanted to say it. Damn her and her big fat mouth.

Spencer lost his breath, looking at her wildly. Sam gaped, unsure of what to say. "Uh, I well, um, don't know what that was-"

Spencer leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

Sam sat there in shock, numbness blinding her. Then, the feelings started piling on all at once. She could feel his long arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders and his hair was tickling her forehead. Spencer's lips moved lightly against hers, so light that it was like a feather brushing the pink skin of her lips.

It wasn't wet. It wasn't awkward. It certainly wasn't weird. Sam kissed Spencer back, her hands knotting in his hair and he let his arm fall from her shoulders to wrap around her waist tightly, their lips crushing together. A small sound erupted from Sam's busy lips, shocking herself. She heard Spencer let out a deep breath at that, drawing back from her, his eyes wide.

There was a knock on the door. "Spencer!" Carly's voice called through the door. The doorknob jiggled, but luckily, it was locked. "Do you know where Sam is?"

Spencer just looked at Sam, clearly at a loss. Sam took this opportunity to guide his face gently down to hers, and she kissed him once more, feeling exactly like those stupid heroines in those idiotic James Bond movies. Spencer pressed his lips against her, his breathing becoming steady as she contented to wrapped her arms around his neck as they ignored the Shay at the door.

This time, it wasn't about Carly. It wasn't about her kiss, or her boyfriend, or her show; it was about Sam.


End file.
